Look, I made a gif of this most awesome wizard at the Leaky Cauldron!
DUDE IS READING ‘A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME’ BY STEPHEN HAWKING
I NEVER REALIZED
are you serious
I always assumed wizards just ignored science, because the fact that “magic” exists, can explain anything. But there are MuggleBorn wizards, ones who, until they were eleven, lived in the real world and learned science and things. Did they all just abandon that normal, muggle knowledge, like Harry did? It’s always been there, itching in the back of my mind.
FOUR FOR YOU SCIENCE WIZARD
YOU GO SCIENCE WIZARD
can we point out that he’s doing wandless magic too
like voldemort couldnt even do that
molly weasley couldnt do that
who are you
Quick, somebody write a book series about the adventures of Magic Prodigy Science Wizard!!!
PLEASE SOMEONE JUST DO IT
Alan Baker had no use for wands, of course. If one were to Prior Incantato his outdated, duct-taped rod of walnut wood and dragon heartstring, its most recent use would have been the enchantment of the long-lived neurons in Alan’s own mind. This enchantment, possible only for those who were capable of seeing themselves as a complex amalgamation of neural impulses, allowed him to bypass both wands and words. Alan did this, not for show, not for power, but because wandwork distracted him from his reading.
Unfortunately, there was no legal spell to get rid of barflies.
“Hey- hey mate, you gotta- gotta minute to-“
Sobrius, Alan thought, placing one hand on his neighbor’s forehead without looking up. He pondered whether or not to cast a silencing barrier, even in violation of the Leaky Cauldron’s safety code.
“Thanks,” said the now-sober man, “Readin’ more of that Muggle trash, I see.”
Alan closed his eyes and counted to three, but when he opened them, the man was still there. Alan lowered his “muggle trash” in defeat, meeting the baggy, bloodshot eyes of the wizard sitting across from him.
Alan leaned forward, placing his hands steeple-like on the table. “Mr. Fletcher, do you know why time turners don’t send you into space?”
“The sky, y’mean? Cause they’re fer time turnin’, not apparation.”
Alan had to take a deep breath. “No,” he replied, “If time turners weren’t anchored to anything, the Earth’s rotation alone would be enough to ensure a time traveler’s demise. But someone at the ministry was clever enough to anchor them to a carefully guarded object that never moves relative to the Earth.”
“Fascinat’n,” slurred Mundungus, whose eyes had glazed over once it became clear that Alan didn’t actually have a time turner on him.
“But time turners are still very limited,” continued Alan, more to himself than to Mundungus, “They can’t go more than seven hours back, and not forward at all, and only in increments of one hour, and they only work on Earth… no, they’re very clumsy, if one truly pauses to think about it.”
“What’s yer point?”
“My point is that while wizards are slowly stagnating in their backwards remnant of the Dark Ages, Muggles are making progress, ever reaching for the light. Do you know that they don’t need magic to craft a hand of living silver?”
“Bah,” was Mundungus’s only reply, “You’d be best mates with that Weasley nutcase at the ministry, you would.”
Alan stood up, silently casting an infantes gelata to check for paradoxes. “I don’t know why I bother with you,” he sighed, “you’ve just wasted another two minutes of my time. Perhaps I bother because I have time to waste.”
And he twisted, as if to apparate, but instead faded out of existence with a distinct vworp. The air swirled in the wake of his departure, blowing back Mundungus’s straggly ginger hair.
“Muggleborns,” the short wizard muttered, then turned back to his drink.
Thirty minutes earlier, Alan lounged contentedly within his quieting barrier, stirring his cup of tea absently and rereading one of his favourite Muggle books. He wondered, vaguely, which planet held the nearest sapient life, and what their magic would look like…
This rereading, however, would be slightly shorter than the last. Even within the barrier, the presence of another at the table tickled at Alan’s consciousness. He set down his book (rather forcefully, he had to admit,) and looked up. The bloodshot eyes of Mundungus Fletcher didn’t meet him when his own rose.
“Hello,” mouthed the man. Finite Incantatum, thought Alan.
“Hello,” he answered, “Can I help you?”
“No, not really. Well, maybe. Well, probably. Have you seen anything strange lately? Disappearing cats, people moving backwards, variances in the time vortex causing precise and intentional reversal of the course of events?”
Alan couldn’t help but stare. “Er…now that you mention it, I was just…” he trailed off as he glanced out the window and did a double take. There was a 1960s-style Muggle police telephone box in the middle of Diagon Alley. “…Is…is that a telephone box?”
“No. Yes. Recreation. Mock-up. Don’t worry, nobody will notice,” the man said, waving his hand dismissively even as he pulled on a pair of what appeared to be cheap 3-D glasses. “What I want to know,” he murmured conspiratorially, “is what’s giving you that floaty, aurary, bizarrey stuff all over you, because that should not be happening to a human. Person. I said person”
Alan’s eyebrows furrowed. “First of all, this is Diagon Alley. Most people out there wouldn’t know a police box from a pillbox, especially given it’s bright blue. Second of all, those glasses shouldn’t give you the ability to see what you’re seeing. And thirdly, Expelliarmus.”
“Expelliwhat?” the man squawked, just as a long, chunky metallic object with a blue tip shot out of his jacket pocket and into Alan’s hand. A quick Identification spell told him all he needed to know.
“Fuzzy logic neural interface configured for ease of use, limited nonverbal manipulation of mechanical and electronic objects…Interesting. And leaps and bounds beyond anything wizards or Muggles can conjure up. What are you?”
The man stared at him for a few minutes before breaking out in a wide smile. “Hello. I’m the Doctor. Let me tell you a little bit about the universe…”
IT GOT BETTER
Did I just read an amazing fanfiction based on a guy that has 2 seconds in a Harry Potter movie?
Reblog if you’ve actually read every single page of all seven Harry Potter books; from The Boy Who lived to Nineteen Years Later.
do you know what i want? i want neville longbottom as a fierce crusader for educational reform in the magical world
i want neville longbottom, the boy who was traumatized by the school he loved, to become an educator and heal by fixing the fucked up magical education system, by making hogwarts safe for every scared little kid, by making it unacceptable for the headmaster to use the school as a center of political power or for teachers to terrorize their students with no threat of reprimand or for a school that calls itself the highest center of magical learning in britain to churn out students who can do basic spellwork but who are unaware of how their own world even works
i want the generation who had to face down voldemort as little more than children to make hogwarts the school they deserved to attend
#so this is Dean and Seamus on a night out in a muggle pub#you can’t tell me otherwise#sometimes others will join them#Ron is always embarrassing because he gapes at the muggle contraptions#Luna just rolls with it#Hermione and Harry sit back and shake their heads at their stupid friends#Neville orders tequila because he heard it comes from a cactus#and lives to regret it#Ginny owns everyone at karaoke
Overheard in the halls of Hogwarts [2/4] inspired by x
Hogwarts dealing with diabetic students:
- Ravenclaws reading all the textbooks they can on the subject so they can better help their housemate and try to create different potions to help with blood sugar spikes and drops.
- Hufflepuffs asking the house elves to make more sugar-free dessert options and trying to make some of their own for their house mate to try.
- Gryffindors walking diabetic students back to their dorms when their numbers are too high or low and staying with them until their levels balance out.
- Slytherins reminding their housemates to check their sugar constantly and creating spells that remind them to do it when they aren’t there.
ideal hogwarts students:
- aromantic wizards being absolutely immune to amortentia, it only smelling like the ingredients put into it when they smell it, and teaching other students how to identify the stuff on any food or drink
- gender confused ravenclaw leafing through glossarys of pronouns and accidentally getting 80% of the class to stay up leafing through similar glossarys, screaming out pronouns in the common room when they think they found one that may fit
- slytherin students sometimes taking polyjuice potion to pose as one of their depressed members who was having a bad day and really couldn’t bring themselves to classes
- kids who read about the second great wizarding war and, when reading about Severus Snape’s brave acts, argue “well yeah ok but he was kind of an asshole still?”
—Wizard broomchairs instead of wheelchairs. No need to worry about stairs when you’re floating, right? Just say “up” to it like you would with a broomstick and it hovers a comfortable 7 inches from the ground, though it can be raised and lowered depending on the wizard’s preference/mood.
—No one giving Wizards with ADD/learning/organizational disabilities any guff about the rememberalls they carry on hand.
—Aspie and autistic Wizards with dazzling proficiency in more mysterious and complex branches of magic like Wandlore and wandmaking.
—The books in Hogwart’s library reacting to dyslexic students trying to read them and helping them: breaking up paragraphs, highlighting words, sometimes reading themselves aloud if the student is having a particularly difficult time or has eyesight problems.
—Professors enchanting gloves to use sign language next to them as they teach for deaf and hard-of-hearing students.
—Neville Longbottom instigating a schoolwide program to foster better communication between students and teachers and better regulation of how house points are handed out, and the general effort toward a less stressful learning environment, referred to lovingly by students as ‘Deebass,” from the joking acronym, “Don’t Be A Snape”
THE FIREBOLT is a world-class broomstick. It was the fastest at the time of its production, and was released in 1993. In time, the Firebolt broomstick was used in the Bulgarian and Irish International Quidditch Teams. It is capable of going from nought to one hundred and fifty miles per hour in ten seconds. The Firebolt also boasts an unbreakable Braking Charm, superb balance and precision, and hovers at reasonable mounting height when let go.
Book Quotes: “Sometimes you remind me a lot of James.”
okay so imagine an au where the potters live. harry dates oliver wood briefly. james hears of this and pulls harry aside. stares him in the eye with a deadly serious face
“he’s a Keeper”
You made an entire AU that would alter almost every facet of that series
For a pun
You’re a beautiful person.
So, a Quidditch match at Hogwarts, right? Slytherin vs Gryffindor (yeah yeah obvious, I know
shut up). And all of a sudden there’s this STAMP STAMP CLAP from the Gryffindor stand and all the Muggle-borns start singing/screaming WE WILL ROCK YOU across the pitch towards the Slytherins. And then there’s this little pause while the Muggle-born Slytherins (you know those fuckers are there, don’t deny it) have a really speedy chat, and then they retaliate with WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!
and the wizards are just standing there like what the fuck is going on??
why has no one made a hella accurate hogwarts vacation summer camp for teens/adults yet with the acceptance letters and the WANDS AND ROBES and the sorting and the common rooms and the classes anD QUIDDITCH and house points???? /?
this is 2014, i have rights
It exists here in Norway
Guys were going to Norway
I’M JOINING YOU IN NORWAY JUJU.